My talk with Cesario thoroughly unsettled me. Could he have been implying what I think he had, or was it just a part of my over creative imagination?
That… changes things.
Although- no, no, my love for Olivia is undying.
And so I hurriedly sent Cesario to Olivia
(while my mind was processing his earlier statement- I am all the daughters of my father’s house, And all the brothers too—and yet I know not)
with a token of my love; a double strand jeweled necklace, one ruby representing passion and love, the other crystal, a promise to the wedding ring she would receive when she agrees to marry me.
Some sort of courting gift, I suppose, in a split second of a decision. (guilt offering?)
Now, should I ponder if Cesario is truly the mystery that I think he is to be, or the little tale he had shared with me, or should I just lie down on my couch and listen to music?
No, no, no. I am in under no circumstances gay. Or homosexual. Not that I- not that I have anything against people who ‘swing’ that way, but I just don’t.
I am so sorry Cesario.
If only you were a woman I would be oh so attracted to you not that I’m not attracted to you but not in that way well a little bit right now but I won’t act on it although I think you look quite beautiful and that… WAIT! I need a heir. ~
Besides, I am deeply and irrevocably in love with Olivia, and nothing can… change it? Yet I no longer feel so depressed these days, especially when Cesario is accompanying me. I feel that it is a friendship now, more than a servant-master relationship. Most likely that I am so full of love that I transfer some of these emotions towards him?
I suppose the deep devotion he gives me especially helping me to woo Olivia leads to a deep male bonding with each other. Perhaps Cesario mistook this into me loving him as a lover does?
This may lead to an extremely awkward relationship if I asked him about this. Better act ignorant and pretend I do not know anything.
There may be more than friendship here, but I won’t act on it.
Of that Cesario was actually a woman, a woman- the fates has heard my unspoken prayers- I was simply overjoyed.
That was the least I could call it, overjoyed; the rush, the high of feelings flooding across my mind as I tried to discern if it was reality or a very well envisioned dream, that I could not help but propose to her right there and then.
So yes, I asked Cesario to marry me- or should I start calling her Viola although it is not the fact she is a female that initially attracted me?- and now thinking on it more closely, I do not regret my decision.
From the past days I have spent with her I have known more about Viola than Olivia, and truly I do love the deep bond that we share, her frank and trustworthy attitude, our friendship, and she is spectacularly attractive.
My previous love for Olivia must have slowly transferred towards Viola over time, and even though I subconsciously knew yet could not act on it. And now, I feel free.
For Olivia, as she certainly knows how to plan a wedding. With her, my mother, and occasionally Viola, the wedding would turn out nothing less than perfect, knowing Olivia’s personality.
As a friend, and without my eyes veiled with love, I find Olivia much similar to me, headstrong and passionate.
Also under careful observation (when hiding in a corner to eavesdrop on the wedding plans as the female wouldn’t share any) Olivia seems to enjoy melodrama and self involvement- even more than the woman who the wedding was for. Papers flung around the room, ideas shot out rapidly out of her mouth, animated hand gestures- as if Viola was a princess and that she was about to marry a king.
Not that I don’t appreciate it, of course.
But just imagine how my married life would be like if I had married Olivia.